The Regulated Leader: What It Means to Be Resourced in High-Stakes Environments

Being resourced means having the physical, mental, and emotional capacity to meet life's challenges effectively. When we are resourced, we feel calm and grounded, show up as emotionally present, and engage authentically with others. We think clearly and make sound decisions, experience safety in our bodies and in our environment and have the capacity to connect meaningfully with others.

Before entrepreneurship, I spent the majority of my life in elite competitive sport. As an elite athlete I learned to push my body and mind in training and competition. While the demands of sport are different from operating in the professional world, there are many similarities. One thing that is obvious in sport, but less obvious outside of sport is the importance of being resourced and regulated. In athletics, we are centering our training and preparation to be ready to perform optimally for our competitions week to week and over the course of a year or a quadrennial we are looking to peak for our championships. The obvious performative nature of sport forces athletes to plan to be regulated and resourced for their competitions. 

Additionally, at the highest levels of sport the difference between good and great or good and legendary is consistency over time and consistency when it matters most. Almost anyone in the MLB has the talent to hit a home run, every player in the NBA has the capacity hit 15 3’s in a game.  To be consistent, one must be consistently resourced. 

As a founder, I was constantly in a battle of trying to do more and also remain regulated. Just as my worst plays came when I was not resourced as an athlete, my worst moments as a founder came when I was dysregulated— regrettable hiring decisions made without thorough diligence, unnecessarily sharp feedback to direct reports, investor pitches that lacked the magnetism needed to close a deal. These experiences showed me that regulation isn't just good for personal wellbeing—it directly impacts leadership effectiveness in numerous specific ways.

The leadership journey isn't about maintaining perfect regulation—that's impossible given the challenges of building a company. Instead, it's about developing awareness of where you are on this spectrum at any given moment, recognizing early warning signs of dysregulation, and having practiced tools to return to a regulated state efficiently. (I’ll write about tools in other posts) This capacity becomes particularly crucial during fundraising, scaling challenges, and navigating conflicts among leadership teams.

There are many scientific models that point to our level of regulation. I really like Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory because it offers a robust framework that allows us to view our level of regulation on a spectrum that we move through. As a leader, it's critical to have an understanding of this spectrum so we can observe our dysregulation and make changes to re-regulate and resource ourselves. Unlike other models, Polyvagal Theory specifically addresses how our nervous system states impact our social engagement—a crucial aspect of leadership.

At the center of Porges' theory is the vagus nerve, which controls much of our parasympathetic "rest and digest" system. What makes Porges' work significant is his identification of two distinct branches of this nerve:

  1. The Dorsal Vagal Complex - This is the evolutionarily older pathway associated with immobilization and shutdown responses.

  2. The Ventral Vagal Complex - This newer pathway, unique to mammals, supports social engagement, calm states, and our sense of safety.

While it's convenient to talk about being either "regulated" or "dysregulated," the reality is far more nuanced. Our nervous system states exist on a continuous spectrum rather than as discrete categories. We're constantly moving along this spectrum throughout each day, sometimes even each hour. 

Think of regulation as a sliding scale, not a simple on-off switch. At one end lies deep ventral vagal regulation characterized by calm, connection, and presence. In the middle ranges exist various degrees of activation and alertness while maintaining fundamental safety, where we often operate during productive workdays. At the other end lies extreme sympathetic arousal (fight/flight) and eventually dorsal vagal collapse (freeze/shutdown), states that can derail even the most seasoned leader's effectiveness.

We naturally flow along the regulation spectrum throughout our day in response to varying demands—from challenging stakeholder conversations to physical needs like hunger or fatigue. As leaders, our regulated state might appear as calm focus during strategic planning, engaged presence in board meetings, or deep relaxation during recovery time. When dysregulation occurs, it manifests in patterns uniquely relevant to leadership contexts. Sympathetic activation might show up as hypervigilance about market threats, with racing thoughts disrupting strategic clarity during crucial negotiations. Dorsal vagal responses might emerge as emotional numbness during difficult feedback sessions or profound exhaustion coloring your entire business perspective. 

Recognizing these patterns early allows for intervention before dysregulation escalates. When our nervous system shifts toward defense responses, our perception narrows precisely when expansive thinking is most needed, making it difficult to connect authentically with stakeholders, allocate resources wisely, or distinguish between present opportunities and past setbacks. 

As leaders, our nervous system regulation ripples throughout our organizations. Teams unconsciously attune to leaders' states, meaning your regulation becomes a cornerstone of company culture. When you can maintain ventral vagal regulation during crisis, you signal safety that enables your team to access their best thinking rather than their survival responses.

The most effective humans I know recognize that their nervous system regulation directly impacts life outcomes. Simple practices like breathing exercises before important events, movement or physical exercise between intense work blocks, and structured recovery days have proven as valuable as any strategic planning session.

The path forward as a leader isn't fighting against our biology but working with it. The most effective humans develop sensitivity to these subtle nervous system shifts and implement practices to maintain regulation during pivotal business moments. By recognizing subtle shifts toward dysregulation before they escalate, we can implement micro-interventions that maintain our leadership presence and effectiveness. This awareness builds the foundation for resilient leadership, meaningful connections with our teams, and the clear strategic thinking required to navigate the complex challenges of building a successful company.

Companion in Emergence: Defining a Path Through the Landscape of Coaching

There are many versions of coaching that exist in our world today, and I think it's important to define my approach within the context of advice and mentorship. The landscape of personal development has become increasingly crowded, with various modalities overlapping and sometimes blurring together. My coaching practice has been profoundly shaped by Ed Batista and Martha Beck—teachers of mine whose philosophies have helped me craft an approach that honors intuitive wisdom while providing practical frameworks for transformation. Their influence weaves through my work, informing both methodology and presence.

My journey into coaching has been woven with threads of deep inquiry, personal transformation, and a reverence for human potential. Along this path, I've come to understand coaching as a distinct practice—one that exists in relationship with, yet separate from, its kindred approaches of mentorship and advising.

Coaching, at its essence, is an art of presence and discovery. As a coach, I don't position myself as the holder of answers, but rather as a companion in exploration—someone who cultivates the fertile soil where your own insights can take root and flourish. The coaching relationship creates a sacred container where questions become pathways, where reflection leads to revelation, and where possibility expands beyond familiar horizons. In a sense I am guiding my client towards a deeper articulation of their true voice, and a broader understanding of their inner knowing.

What draws me to coaching is witnessing the moment when a client encounters their own wisdom—that instant when something shifts, not because I've suggested it or directed it, but because together we've created the conditions for emergence. In our work, I bring tools of inquiry, frameworks for understanding, and a quality of attention that illuminates what might otherwise remain hidden from view.

While mentorship offers the gift of modeled experience and advising provides the clarity of expert guidance, coaching honors the inherent wisdom that already lives within you. The mentor says "follow my path," the advisor says "consider this direction," but the coach asks "what path is calling to you, beneath the noise and expectations?"

In my practice, I recognize that these approaches aren't rigidly separated—there are moments when sharing an experience (mentorship) or offering a resource (advising) serves your journey. Yet these moments remain in service to the core coaching relationship—one built on the foundational belief that you are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.

My approach to coaching has been shaped by teachers who emphasized deep listening, by traditions that honor the wisdom of the body, and by my own experiences of transformation through powerful questions rather than prescribed answers. Each session becomes a collaboration—a dance between structure and emergence, between the known and the yet-to-be-discovered.

What continues to inspire my devotion to this craft is witnessing clients recognize their own capacity to author their lives with greater intention, awareness, and authenticity. The coach doesn't create this capacity, but rather helps clear away what obscures it, revealing the brilliance that has always been present. In this way, my own journey of growth intertwines with those I serve—as I witness others uncovering their wisdom, my understanding of this sacred practice continues to deepen and evolve, much like a garden that becomes more abundant with each passing season.